his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
