On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
