Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't turn off my feet"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
