I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
