She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
