I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
