just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
