A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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