Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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