so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
