we made out on top of his cat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
