Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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