Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
