Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
