Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
