Got a toothbrush?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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