trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
