you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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