Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
