Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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