He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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