She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
