break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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