i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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