So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
