I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
