Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
