I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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