I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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