So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
