The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
