Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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