I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
