GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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