i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
