I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
