I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
