I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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