Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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