hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
