Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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