Where did you get a picture of my penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
