My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
