My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
