you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
