Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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