Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fill condoms, not promises.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
