You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
