It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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