we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
